What does success mean to you? (Part 2)
How should we define what success looks like for us, and why is this so important?
In Part One, we examined what it means to those who have already achieved extraordinary success in their lives.
The aim was to provide some insights and a little context, to help shape our own thinking, when we look ahead to what we might want to achieve.
In this, the second half of the article, our aim is to explore what success might look like for us and why it is essential to define it clearly for ourselves.
We will also examine how to avoid the trap of chasing the ‘wrong dreams’, which may ultimately lead us to disappointment.
We all want to enjoy a successful and fulfilling life…
At a fundamental level, we all aspire to achieve a life that delivers fulfilment, contentment, and happiness over the long term.
Many will argue that if we can achieve those things, then that surely is success.
But, this is really more of a ‘blue sky’ aspiration than something we can constructively work towards. It’s more of an outcome of our success rather than a definition of it.
Success still has to be properly defined so that we can know what we are aiming for and what we need to do to achieve it.
We are all different…
For many, our ambitions may not be set especially high; success might simply be to achieve a relatively comfortable and stress-free life while enjoying the things that bring us pleasure and happiness.
It could be raising a family, helping and serving others, or many other purposeful things. Our work might be just a means to make a living, but our passions may lie elsewhere.
Many of us will admire those who are happy and content with having less complicated lives than our own. One might consider them to have found success, according to their own measure, because that’s the life they have wanted to achieve.
The point here is that we are all unique; each of us has our own distinct personality, outlook, talents, and ambitions.
When we set ourselves higher ambitions…
For those of us who are more ambitious and who want to excel in our careers, it becomes especially important to define what success means on a personal level. It then becomes something more substantial that we can steadily work toward.
But we need to delve deep and think about it carefully. If we don’t, we may be inadvertently swayed by the ‘common view’, defaulting to what other people think, or those who try to tell us what success means (to them).
It is only once we have defined it, for ourselves, that we can then work backwards and determine the steps we need to take – the smaller goals – that can ultimately lead us to our bigger goals. Our direction and purpose then become much clearer.
I have often said, 'If you don’t have a target to shoot at, you will never hit anything!'
However, even when we are not 100% certain of what we ultimately may want to do in our careers, we can still broadly define what success means to us, albeit in a slightly more conceptual way. The steps we then choose to take may be more fundamental than specific. But that’s fine too. We can always refine our definition later, as things become clearer for us.
But for me, one of the most exciting thing here is this: Once we know where we want to be and the direction we should follow, and once we know what steps we need to take, we can then enjoy satisfaction, fulfilment, and happiness throughout our journey, as we make progress steadily towards our goals.
Life is short. It is also not a dress rehearsal. Success in life (however we may define it) is not just about reaching our big goals; it’s also about enjoying every step along the way.
For many, that’s where fulfilment truly comes from. And it forms an intrinsic part of enjoying a successful life, overall.
Let’s now examine how we can define success for ourselves and where we should start.
But first, it may be helpful to consider what we shouldn’t look for and what we should try to avoid…
How we should not define what success means to us!
It is quite fashionable these days to define success in terms of wealth, income, lifestyle, status or even fame. People often like to compare themselves to others and what they have, in the belief that if they can achieve the same things, they may ‘find their happiness’, too.
There is nothing wrong with admiring someone’s beautiful car if you're a motor enthusiast, or admiring someone’s fabulous mansion; we all appreciate a beautiful home. The problem begins when we start to believe that achieving these things will make us happy or when we start putting them at the centre of our definition of personal success.
It may seem counterintuitive, but when we start to target such things, we actually reduce the chances of ever being able to enjoy them, simply because we then tend to focus on the wrong things in the meantime.
None of the extraordinarily successful people I have met so far have ever attributed their success to having pursued ‘goals’ like these. Most will today enjoy the trappings of their success, but as a consequence of it, and after focusing first on the right things.
When we set a ‘material target’ in the belief that this will make us happy, we are also subconsciously conditioning our brain to believe that we will not be happy until we achieve that thing. What if we never do? Are we then compelling ourselves to be less than happy for the rest of our lives?
And once again, we must also create our own definition of success. It cannot be influenced by what other people think, unless, of course, we are receiving genuinely constructive advice from someone helpful and wise.
Whatever success may ultimately look like to us, it’s doing what we need to do next to achieve that success that really counts, naturally. This is where our focus should be concentrated.
We need to focus on the steps that will get us there - just ask any Olympic athlete!
Sport is a great example to illustrate the point.
First, I have yet to meet a gold medal-winning Olympic athlete who has ever said to me that their primary goal, from the start, was to buy a mansion, enjoy a great lifestyle, or to become famous…
I have met many, however, who discovered early on that they loved sports, had a special talent in a particular field, and revealed their passion for it. They then built their dreams around becoming a successful athlete. As their abilities significantly improved, they eventually set their sights on the Olympic Games and even dared to dream of winning a gold medal one day.
But for any athlete to reach such a pinnacle of success, it’s all about having the right focus. It’s not on the medals, but being continually focused on improving their skills and performance with a relentless, obsessive determination. It’s about training extremely hard, to be the very best they can possibly be, every single day. Nothing else matters. That becomes their primary focus.
To become good enough to even qualify for a future Olympic Games, they first need to win at every level of competition, from local to national to various international events. These become the landmark goals they need to reach incrementally. Each is then broken down into yet smaller goals; to achieve specific training targets, for example, while continually improving on their personal-best times.
In other words, success for an athlete may be to perform well at an international level, and if they are lucky, even at the Olympic Games one day. But to achieve this, their focus must be on continuous self-improvement while hitting a series of milestone goals along the way. When combined with their passion for what they do, this can literally drive them toward success.
The same principles apply broadly to us, regardless of what we may be seeking to achieve or what success might look like. Our big goals can inspire us, but it’s the smaller ones (and focusing only on them) that will ultimately get us to where we want to be.
And while no one can ever truly succeed in life without working very hard to get there, our passion for what we do is the source of all the energy we will ever need to fuel the hard work required.
But it is still possible for someone to achieve success without necessarily creating a series of goals. Some might even be goal-averse. I have met many in the Arts, for example, whose aspirations might be to achieve a fulfilling and happy life, but their focus was simply to be their very best at whatever they had to do each day, and that was all that mattered.
So what does success look like to me?
This is usually a challenging question, especially when we are young, but there is always an answer – it just takes a while, sometimes, to nail it. It naturally revolves mostly around what we may want to do as a career.
The first thing we need to do is to explore, both internally and externally. We need to build a vision for what we feel we might enjoy and eventually love doing.
We can start by asking ourselves some fundamental questions:
What do I really care about (in life and work)? What moves me?
How would I describe my core values? What does a good person look like to me?
What are my strengths (and weaknesses)? What aptitudes do I have?
What talents do I possess? What do I think I will be especially good at doing?
What do I really enjoy spending my time on now? What makes me happy?
Where do I think I can make a positive impact? What value can I deliver?
If we regularly ask ourselves questions like these, as we continue to grow and change, they will help us envision what we might like to pursue or where we think our existing career path might lead us.
As we get older, our views will naturally change (as described in Part One). Our definition of success will change, too. This is why we need to keep exploring these questions regularly until we have the clarity we need.
And we must also explore externally, especially when we are young - what are the many careers and opportunities ‘out there’ that might suit us, too? There may be dozens of things we could be brilliant at doing that we don’t even know about yet, because we simply haven’t explored widely enough. We need to create a list of all the potential things that might be interesting for us, and the specific steps required to investigate them fully.
Choosing what we want to be is aligned with defining what success means to us. If we can find something we will eventually love doing, that is where we are likely to find our path to success.
Once we have an idea of what we want to do and what success might look like, we then need to plan the steps we need to take (guided by some of the questions above) and set our smaller goals. This whole process will help us to set goals that align with our values. We can then explore what tools we will need, the areas in which we need to improve and grow, and exactly what we need to do to create the best version of ourselves.
So, what do we mean by values-led goals?
If, for example, we have aspirations to become an entrepreneur, our ambitions should revolve around, ‘What product or service do I feel passionate about creating, that my customers will really love, that can deliver great value and even make a positive impact on the wider world? How can I build a great team? What do I need to learn today, and what steps will I need to take to enable me to succeed at doing this?’
It shouldn’t be ‘I want to become a millionaire over the next five years’.
If we have aspirations to build a career as a musician, we should be dreaming about, ‘How can I write/perform music that I absolutely love creating and that my audience will also love to listen to? What do I need to learn that will develop my musical talents? What steps can I take from today to elevate my music career?
It shouldn’t be, ‘I want to become a popstar and enjoy a fabulous lifestyle?’
If we are working in an organisation and want to excel in our career there, our ambitions shouldn’t be, ‘I want to be the boss one day so I can have the same house and car that he’s got!’ It should be, ‘How can I perform at my work to the very best of my abilities so I can make a big impact on my colleagues, the organisation, and our customers? What do I need to learn so that I can do my job even better?’
If we focus on these things, we are more likely to be noticed by ‘the people that matter’ and to attract the support we will need to move up.
When our thinking is values-led and our focus is on self-improvement and learning what we need to do to grow, we can then set a clear course for our journey.
What if we are still not clear about what we want to do?
Whatever stage we may be at on our career journey, if we are still unsure what we ultimately want to do and what will make us happy in our work, we can still define what success feels like for us, even if the vision is not yet clear.
And while it may be more challenging to work backwards from there and identify the steps we then need to take, we can still plan our journey, albeit at a more fundamental, less specific level.
Our first immediate goal must be to keep looking until we can find something that we can genuinely love doing. We must not stop searching until we do. We should view each step along our career journey as a stepping stone until we can eventually find something that we genuinely love doing. These steps become, in effect, a surrogate for our ‘smaller goals’.
If we are not happy in what we are doing right now (having given our role a fair chance first), we must then look for change.
The most important point is this: Once we find something that we love doing, that’s when we can reveal our passion for it. And once that happens, it will catalyse a whole range of attributes from within us, including the energy to fuel our journey.
Passion is, without doubt, one of the most important factors that will enable us to achieve our success.
You can find out more about how to reveal your passion from my recent articles, starting here: Passion (Part One)
The second immediate goal (when we are not clear on what we eventually want to do) is to focus, once again, on being the best we can possibly be at whatever we are doing right now. It’s about improving our skills and experience. It’s about being professional and organised and having the right attitude.
These are the things that will get us noticed by those who can really help us. We all need help from others on our journey!
This is what Shriti Vadera, the ex-government minister, banker and one of the UK’s most respected business leaders, once said to me when we were talking about planning for success:
If you define your goals in terms of the things you want to create, the things you want to change and the things that you really want to spend your time on, how can you possibly fail?
People who are really successful are the ones who are actually doing what they really want to do. They have found what they love and what they have a talent for, they become good at it because of their passion, and they also work very hard at it.
Success then becomes a natural consequence of working hard at what they love.
Success itself should never be the goal. So set your goals around doing what you really love and care about, and you are far more likely to find your happiness and success in the future.
Shriti Vadera – from her chapter in A Few Wise Words
And finally, let’s remember once again that life is a journey. Whatever success may look like to us and whatever path we choose to follow, we will all have to face many obstacles, diversions, and twists and turns along the way.
We will all experience self-doubt and numerous failures during our journey as well.
But fulfilment in life comes not just from enjoying the happy times and achieving the things we set out to do, but also from successfully conquering all the challenges, doubts, and failures we have faced throughout our lives, and eventually winning through.
If we can remain focused on the right things, love what we do, and reveal our passion for it, success in life should become virtually inevitable.
